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Post by Don Sims on Sept 3, 2023 5:46:06 GMT -6
My wife keeps a patch of garden, decorated with small figures, and in which I am forbidden to tread.
It's gnome mans land.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 3, 2023 5:47:05 GMT -6
China has a population of over a billion people. Over a billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still over a thousand others exactly like you.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 3, 2023 5:50:08 GMT -6
What goes up but rarely comes down?
Fuel bills
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 25, 2023 5:08:41 GMT -6
A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.
The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough," he said.
The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly," he said.
The teacher walks out without washing his hands. "I was taught not to pee on my hands," he says.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 28, 2023 5:18:19 GMT -6
My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug.
Turns out my dog licked my sample.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 29, 2023 5:38:45 GMT -6
If a knight in Prague dons his armor, does that mean the Czech is in the mail?
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 30, 2023 6:00:22 GMT -6
Be kind to your kids. They choose your nursing home.
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 1, 2023 5:37:00 GMT -6
Why do retirees smile so much?
Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying...
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 5, 2023 5:52:32 GMT -6
Apparently saying, “Oh, this old thing?” isn’t an appropriate way to introduce my wife...
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 6, 2023 4:42:24 GMT -6
When is the best time to start thinking about your retirement?
Before the boss does...
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 7, 2023 6:32:26 GMT -6
A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, A Stormtrooper and a Red Shirt start fighting.
They're still going at it.
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 8, 2023 6:37:14 GMT -6
Got sent home from work for my Halloween costume..
Apparently, being a brillo pad was too abrasive for some people.
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 14, 2023 8:41:25 GMT -6
How do you get people to attend Gamblers' Anonymous?
Bet them they won't go.
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 14, 2023 8:43:31 GMT -6
A guy walks into a bar holding a screwdriver over his head.
"Ladies and gentlemen!", he yells. "This is not a drill!"
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Post by Don Sims on Oct 15, 2023 6:47:06 GMT -6
A stranger asked, "Where should I go to get some waffles down at the beach?"
I replied,. Sandy Eggo.
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