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Post by Don Sims on Nov 21, 2023 4:32:56 GMT -6
A motherboard went on a date with a processor - they didn't read each other's BIOS and found out out they weren't compatible so they just got drunk.
As the night progressed they tried to figure out a way to make it work. Finally the processor convinced the motherboard to come back to his place and see what would happen.
But then they realize that they didn't have a designated driver.
When questioned about the encounter the following day, neither of them seemed to have any memory.
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Post by Don Sims on Nov 23, 2023 5:32:38 GMT -6
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted.
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
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Post by Don Sims on Nov 24, 2023 5:08:41 GMT -6
A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him.
“Why do we have to learn this stuff?" The young man blurted out.
"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.
A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?"
The professor stared at the student for a long time. "Physics saves lives," he said, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."
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Post by Don Sims on Nov 30, 2023 5:51:07 GMT -6
A man asks the worker at the astronomy museum how old the universe is.
He responds 13.7 billion and 7 years old.
The man is puzzled so he asks how the worker knew the age to such precision.
The worker answered, “When I got this job, the person who hired me told me that the universe is 13.7 billion years old, and I’ve worked here for seven years.”
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 1, 2023 6:51:27 GMT -6
How do you eat a hard drive?
One byte at a time
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 3, 2023 5:04:08 GMT -6
There was an Irish botanist that was trying to cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy...
He was hoping for a rash of good luck.
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 4, 2023 5:26:36 GMT -6
It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their wives-to-be.
So as they're all sitting around the dinner table, sipping their oil soup, XR-573 looks at his eldest son, 453-WX, and asks him "So, tell me about your new fiancée!"
453-WX, beaming with pride says "Dad, I'm so excited. She's kind, generous, has state-of-the-art processing capacity, and what's more, she's made entirely out of stainless steel!"
XR-573 and his wife are both impressed. "Wow, stainless steel, that's incredible! Well done, son! I can't wait to meet her!"
XR-573 then turns to his middle son, Q79, and says "Q79, what about you? Tell me about your robot fiancée!"
Q79 smiles smugly, and says "Well dad, I'm afraid I've got my brother beat! Because not only does my fiancée incorporate experimental superconductors and wireless satellite networking capability, she just happens to be made out of titanium!"
XR-573 thinks this is amazing. "Well, Q79, I am genuinely impressed! I can't wait to see the incredible children you'll fabricate together!"
XR-573 then turns to his youngest son, D7-8902, who has always been a bit of a black sheep, and asks him "Well D7-8902, you've been awfully quiet. Would you like to tell us about your robot fiancée?"
D7-8902 holds up his head proudly. "Dad, my fiancée might not be made of space age materials, but I love her very much. We have a lot in common. And she's made... of iron."
XR-573's circuits practically fry upon hearing this. He stands up, slams the table and yells as loud as his vocal processor will go. "IRON?? Why, she's no better than a common ore!"
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 6, 2023 5:52:30 GMT -6
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 7, 2023 6:20:29 GMT -6
It’s 3 AM. A woman paces angrily in her house waiting for her physicist husband to come home. Finally he does. As he walks through the door she glares and demands, “Where have you been?”
Sheepishly, the physicist husband tries to explain himself. He says, “Well my colleagues and I went out just for a friendly drink. A group of women invited us to join them, so we did. We drank and had fun talking and it got a little flirty. I got swept up in the moment and one thing led to another. I ended up making out with one of the women we met.”
His wife listens impatiently, arms crossed, furiously tapping her foot the whole time. When he finishes, she blurts out, “Liar! LIAR! You were in the lab again, weren’t you?”
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 8, 2023 5:44:45 GMT -6
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were in a hotel for a convention. Then, in the middle of the night for no apparent reason, a fire breaks out in the engineer's wastebasket. The engineer rushes over to the bathroom, empties out the ice bucket, fills it with water and pours it into the trash can, dousing the fire. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the engineer goes back to sleep.
Shortly thereafter, a fire broke out in the physicist's wastebasket. The physicist rushes to the bathroom, whips out his calculator, frantically does a few computations, pulls out a cup, fills it to a precisely measured level, and rushes back to the wastebasket, pouring the water onto the fire. As the last drop hits the flame, the fire goes out. Satisfied that the problem was solved, the physicist goes back to sleep.
Finally, a fire breaks out in the mathematician's room. The mathematician rushes to the bathroom, sees the ice bucket, sees a cup, sees the water faucet. Satisfied that the problem *could* be solved, he goes back to sleep.
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 9, 2023 6:23:01 GMT -6
An engineer, physicist, and mathematician have been imprisoned.
At some point, the warden realizes that the three men haven't been fed in a while. He accompanies an officer to check up on them. The warden and officer arrive at the first cell that contained the engineer. To their astonishment, the cell was empty and the wall had a hole in it.
"How is that possible?" said the officer. "That wall was solid concrete!"
The warden quietly inspected the cell. After a few minutes, he exited and said, "He seems to have built a pick out of the eating utensils we gave him and used it to make the hole."
The warden and officer continued to the next cell that contained the physicist. However, he too was gone and once again there was a hole in the wall. And of course, the warden inspected the cell and returned after a few minutes.
The warden declared, "According to the papers on his bed, he very carefully calculated the weakest point on the wall and repeatedly hit it with a rock until it broke open."
Finally, they arrived at the last cell that contained the mathematician. Unfortunately, he lay dead on the cell floor from starvation. The officer sighed. "After the other two, I would have expected he would have also escaped. He also has some papers on his bed." The warden entered the cell and picked up the papers. Then he shook his head and chuckled.
"It appears," the warden said, "that he spent several days writing a very detailed proof that it was possible to break the wall."
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 12, 2023 5:43:32 GMT -6
A physicist, a chemist, and an economist are stranded on a desert island
The only thing on the island besides the three academics is a single can of beans. They are discussing how to get it open.
The physicist suggests that they build a fire and heat up the can until the pressure causes the can to explode.
The chemist says “No, no, the beans will fly everywhere, land on the ground, and get all sandy. Our only food will be ruined.”
Instead, the chemist suggests, they should use the corrosive power of the ocean’s saltwater to eat away at the lid of the can.
The economist protests “that will take too long, we’ll starve before then.”
“I have a better idea,” the economist says. “Assume a can opener.”
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 14, 2023 5:45:48 GMT -6
The universe is hard of hearing.
There's a meteor shower tonight, but what is happening now is a rain shower!
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 15, 2023 5:32:48 GMT -6
Life before the computer:
Memory was something that you lost with age.
An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.
A web was a spider's home.
A virus was the flu.
A CD was a bank account.
A hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived.
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Post by Don Sims on Dec 18, 2023 5:44:36 GMT -6
It’s 1961. A NASA scientist and a soviet scientist have a meeting..
NASA scientist: “Well now that we are alone we can speak german to each other."
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