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Post by Don Sims on Jul 30, 2024 4:59:55 GMT -6
What were dinosaurs called before the meteors hit?
Live-osaurs
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 3, 2024 7:15:36 GMT -6
I’ve been a naughty girl… I think I deserve punishment…” she said suggestively, biting her lip.
“As you say,” said he. and installed Windows Vista on her laptop.
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 3, 2024 7:18:24 GMT -6
New viruses, coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet:
AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you’re getting.
Verizon Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you’re paying too much for the AT&T virus.
Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C:>.
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus.” Instead, it’s an “electronic microorganism.”
Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 5, 2024 5:37:09 GMT -6
How many flat earthers does it take to screw in a light bulb
Trick question it’s a light disk
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 6, 2024 5:06:12 GMT -6
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhesaurus
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 14, 2024 5:52:58 GMT -6
Announcing the new Built-in Orderly Organized Knowledge device, otherwise known as the BOOK.
It's a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use even a child can operate it. Just lift its cover. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disk.
Here's how it works: each BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. These pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence. By using both sides of each sheet, manufacturers are able to cut costs in half.
Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. The BOOK may be taken up at any time and used by merely opening it. The "Browse" feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Most come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.
An optional "BOOKmark" accessory allows you to open the BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session -- even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.
Portable, durable and affordable, the BOOK is the entertainment wave of the future, and many new titles are expected soon, due to the surge in popularity of its programming tool, the Portable Erasable-Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language stylus \[PENCIL\].
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 15, 2024 4:48:19 GMT -6
I asked my German friend to draw me a circular statistical diagram.
“Venn?" he asked.
“As soon as you can.”
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 16, 2024 5:35:38 GMT -6
What do you call a dinosaur that is large, immense, huge, colossal, gigantic, vast, enormous, titanic, massive and big?
A Thesaurus.
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 17, 2024 7:19:19 GMT -6
The funniest science joke I heard this year...
"Starliner"
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 19, 2024 4:58:48 GMT -6
A telescope showed up in the lost in found at my job today...
I don’t know who’s telescope it is but I’m looking into it
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 21, 2024 4:45:18 GMT -6
Zymurgy's Law of Evolving System Dynamics: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to re-can them is to use a larger can.
Corollary: Never open a can of worms unless you plan to go fishing.
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 24, 2024 4:31:27 GMT -6
My friend asked me if I knew who Pavlov was while I was taking my intro to Psychology class.
I told him: "Yeah, that name rings a bell."
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Post by Don Sims on Aug 28, 2024 4:57:24 GMT -6
Pavlov's birds
An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field.
At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field.
The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 22, 2024 6:23:53 GMT -6
They say that a PC user keeps a screwdriver and pliers next to his keyboard, while a Mac user keeps a glass of wine.
That actually makes sense because when your Mac malfunctions, all you can do is just get drunk.
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Post by Don Sims on Sept 22, 2024 6:31:12 GMT -6
I came up with a really great statistics joke, but no statistician wanted to hear it.
So I asked them why and they told me, statistically speaking, most of what you say is boring.
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