Blonde

Interviewer: Any particular accomplishments you're proud of at your previous employer?

Blond: Well, I was responsible for ten new rules in their employee handbook.

Interviewer: That's quite an accomplishment! You wrote them?

Blond: That's not what I said.

Two (stereotypically colored hair models) are on a flight from New York to Los Angeles to get to a modeling job. About 30 minutes into the flight, the captain makes an announcement.

"We seemed to have had an engine failure so were are flying on only three out of our four engines. We will be about 1 hour late for arrival in Los Angeles. We apologize for the inconvenience."

The (stereotypically colored hair models) give each other confused looks, shrug their shoulders and then go back taking duck-face selfies with Instagram on their iPhones.

About 30 minutes later the captain makes another announcement, "We have lost another engine. Please don't panic but we will be about 2 hours late for arrival in Los Angeles."

One (stereotypically colored hair model) says "Oh no! Enrique will be furious if we are late to the photo shoot!!" and then they both go back to their deep discussion about this year's preferred stiletto heel length.

Another 30 minutes go by and the captain makes another announcement. "It looks like we've had another engine failure and we are only flying on one engine now. We will be several hours late for our arrival."

One (stereotypically colored hair model) looks at the other one and says "You know, if we lose another engine we're going to be up here all day!!"

I overheard it was my blond co-worker’s birthday tomorrow so I said "Happy Birthday eve!"

She said her name is Claire and her birthday is actually tomorrow.

Guy: Doctor, my blond Girlfriend is pregnant, but we always use protection. How is it possible?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped in front of him. To scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!"

Guy: Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion.

Doctor: Good! You understood the story. Next patient please.

Simon met up with a blond for coffee

Simon Said: "Wasn‘t yesterday‘s power cut a nightmare! I was stuck in a lift for 4 hours!“

"Oh, you had it easy,“ said the blond. "I was left standing on an escalator for 5 hours!“

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.'