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Blonde
Nov 21, 2023 4:49:21 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Nov 21, 2023 4:49:21 GMT -6
The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway jumping for joy!
I didn't know why she was jumping so excitedly but I thought, 'what the heck', and I starting jumping up and down along with her.
She said, 'I have some really great news!'
I said, 'Great. Tell me why you're so happy.'
She stopped jumping and breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down and told me that she was pregnant. I knew she'd been trying for a while so I told her, 'That's great I couldn't be happier for you!'
Then she said, 'There's more'
I asked, What do you mean there's more.
She said, 'Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!'
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said....
(You're going to love this!)
'Well, that was the easy part. I went to Sam's Club and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a TWIN-pack. Both tests came out positive
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Blonde
Nov 23, 2023 5:49:59 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Nov 23, 2023 5:49:59 GMT -6
Two blond future astronauts went to NASA headquarters and demanded to be on the next space flight.
They both whined "We want to go to the Sun for a change"
The NASA Director told them politely "You'd burn up before you even got close!"
The smarter of the two said "No silly, we want to go at night!!!"
Dejected, they were driving home and a police car behind them put on his blue light and pulled them over.
The driver rolled the window down and the officer asked, " Why in the world were you weaving all over the road?"
The driver says" We were dodging all these trees!!!
To which the officer replied " That's your air freshener!!!"
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Blonde
Nov 24, 2023 5:14:07 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Nov 24, 2023 5:14:07 GMT -6
A beautiful blond woman gets on board a airliner headed to Los Vegas, she goes and sits in her seat in coach.
She thinks "I'm beautiful I'm blond and I'm going to Los Vegas, I dont want a seat in coach
So she goes and sets in first class. The Flight attendant sees this and tries with no avail to get her to go back to her assigned seat in coach. So the Flight Attendant goes forward and informs the Captain of the problem.
The Captain goes back and tries to reason with the woman to return to her assigned seat. The woman just kept repeating "I'm blond I'm beautiful and I'm going to Los Vegas and I'm staying right here" After a bit the Captain gives in and returnes to the crew cabin.
The Copilot notices the Captains frustration and says hmm No luck sir? Let me try remember I'm married to a blond. So the Copilot goes back and whispers in the woman's ear. The woman exclaimes "Oh my I did not know that! " and she returns to her assigned seat in coach.
The Copilot returned to the crew cabin gets back in his seat, telling the captain problem solved. The Captain says " how did you get her back in her seat?
The Copilot, easy Captain, I told her first class was not going to Los Vegas.
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Blonde
Nov 29, 2023 6:36:09 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Nov 29, 2023 6:36:09 GMT -6
I think Blond jokes are biased unfairly.
Why do you make light of our hair colour?
You are just jealous of our brains and good locks....
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Blonde
Nov 30, 2023 5:49:24 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Nov 30, 2023 5:49:24 GMT -6
One afternoon, a college student is walking across the Green and sees a blond lying in the grass staring up at the clear blue sky.
"Getting a tan?" he asks.
"No! Do you think that just because I'm a blond I'm focusing on my looks? I'm actually a very good student and right now I'm getting a head start on my homework!"
"Oh, I'm sorry. What class is it for?"
"Astronomy!"
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Blonde
Dec 3, 2023 4:47:36 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 3, 2023 4:47:36 GMT -6
A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were all lost in the desert. After walking along for a while they eventually found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish.
The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was transported back home.
The brunette wished to be back at home with her family. Poof! She was magically transported back home.
The blonde then says "Aww, I wish my friends were here".
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Blonde
Dec 5, 2023 6:22:06 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 5, 2023 6:22:06 GMT -6
Did you hear about the blonde couple that was found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter".
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Blonde
Dec 7, 2023 6:29:43 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 7, 2023 6:29:43 GMT -6
On one cold icy day a blonde, brunette and a red head decide to take a drive.
The brunette as the best driver in icy conditions decides to drive. The red head decides to ride passenger because she keeps the best eye out. The blonde decides to ride in the bed of the truck because she’s dressed for the weather.
As they’re coming over a bridge they decide to roll their windows down and look at the water that has yet to ice completely over. Suddenly in a moment of distraction the brunette loses control and they drive off the bridge.
After a minute the brunette pops up out of the water and climbs up onto the bridge to look for her friends. As she’s climbing up the red head pops up out of the water and climbs to the top of the bridge. Thankfully since they rolled their windows down they escaped easily and were able to swim up.
They both wait patiently for what seems like way too long for someone to be able to breathe underwater and assume the worst of their blonde friend.
Finally, the blonde pops up gasping for breath. When she gets atop the bridge to join her friends they ask her what took so long.
The blonde says, “Well, I couldn’t get the tailgate open.”
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Blonde
Dec 12, 2023 5:56:59 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 12, 2023 5:56:59 GMT -6
A blond got caught in a blizzard… It was snowing heavily and blowing to the point that visibility was almost zero when the little blonde got off work. She made her way to her car and wondered how she was going to make it home.
She sat in her car while it warmed up and thought about her situation. She finally remembered her dad's advice that if she got caught in a blizzard she should wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it. That way she would not get stuck in the snow drift. This made her feel much better and sure enough in a little while a snow plow went by and she started to follow it.
As she followed the snow plow she was feeling very smug as they continued and she was not having any problem with the blizzard conditions. After quite some time had passed she was somewhat surprised when the snow plow stopped and the driver got out and came back to her car and signaled for her to roll down her window. The snow plow driver wanted to know if she was all right as she had been following him for a long time. She said that she was fine and told him of her dad's advice to follow a snow plow when caught in a blizzard.
The driver replied that it was okay with him and she could continue following if she wanted but he was done with the Walmart parking lot and was going over to the K-mart next.
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Blonde
Dec 15, 2023 5:42:05 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 15, 2023 5:42:05 GMT -6
Tom, a successful Real estate developer, was 65 and just married a blond named Candy, 44 years his junior.
After they came back from their honeymoon, they did a party for all of their friends. At the party one of Tom's friends asked him:
“Hey man, I know you got money and all, but how did you land a blond so good looking and so young?”
Tom replies: “Well, to be honest, I lied about my age and health.”
His friend says: “Age? Please, you can barely pass off as a 60-year old, and you look okay but you don’t look fit, you don’t even exercise regularly.”
Tom: “No, I told her I was 85 and had an advanced heart condition which could kill me at any moment...”
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Blonde
Dec 18, 2023 6:01:07 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 18, 2023 6:01:07 GMT -6
At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.
A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look and smelling of last night's rounds, strolled by the building and saw the sign. He went into the building to apply for the position.
Aghast at his appearance, the director wondered how to send him away but, to be fair, he gave him a glass of wine to taste. The old fellow held the glass up to his left eye, tilted his head toward incoming sunlight and studied the contents looking through the glass.
He then took a sip and said, "It's a Southern California Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Somewhat low-grade but acceptable."
"That's correct," said the boss. Glancing at his assistant he said..."Another one, please."
The old Navy pilot took the goblet, full of a deep red liquid, stuck his nose into the glass, sniffed deeply and took a long slow sip....rolling his eyeballs in a circle, he then looked at the director and said... "It's a Cabernet Sauvignon, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for the finest results."
"Absolutely correct. A third glass," said the director.
Receiving another glass, again, the Navy pilot eyed the crystal, took in a little bit of the aroma and sipped very softly... ''It's a pinot blanc champagne, very high grade and exclusive,'' said the pilot calmly.
The director was astonished and winked at his assistant to suggest something.
She left the room and came back in with a wine glass half-full of urine.
The old Navy pilot eyed it suspiciously... a color he could not quite recall .
He took a sip, swishing it over his tongue and across his teeth, musing upward all the while.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."
NEVER, EVER ... UNDERESTIMATE THE TALENTS OF A VET!!
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Blonde
Dec 27, 2023 5:54:07 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 27, 2023 5:54:07 GMT -6
A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian, "The book I borrowed last week was just awful. It had absolutely no plot, and the vocabulary was too complex!"
The librarian calls into the back room, "Hey, we found the lady who took our dictionary!"
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Blonde
Dec 31, 2023 5:08:23 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Dec 31, 2023 5:08:23 GMT -6
A blonde is doing a crossword puzzle...
"What's a 7-letter word for 'easily perceived or understood' that starts with 'O'?"
"Isn't it obvious?"
"It should be, but I can't figure it out. That's why I'm asking."
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Blonde
Jan 2, 2024 5:39:24 GMT -6
Post by Don Sims on Jan 2, 2024 5:39:24 GMT -6
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
“We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.”
The blonde took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement, and announced, “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, “Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”
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Blonde
Apr 9, 2024 6:13:44 GMT -6
via mobile
Post by Don Sims on Apr 9, 2024 6:13:44 GMT -6
A man was hiring for a factory, he called in the first blonde applicant from the waiting room and asked her a few questions. Then, for his final question he asked her, "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great'?"
The blonde applicant replied after some thought "Oh, I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!"
The boss let her go and called up the next blonde. They talked for a while and then he asked her "Will you make a sentence with the word 'great' in it?"
Without any hesitation the blonde applicant says "I have a leather jacket and I think it's really great!!"
The man realizes that they're catching on, so he calls the next blonde in. They talk for a while and then he says "I would like you to make a sentence", the applicant cuts him off
"with GREAT!"
"no, actually I would like you to make a sentence with the word 'fascinate'"
"Not Great?"
"No, fascinate."
The blonde applicant pauses for some time.. then she replies
"I have a leather jacket, and I think it's really great. It has 11 buttons, but I only fasten eight."
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